A Slow Day at the LEP
by Pyrgus Malvae
Summary: A one-shot in several parts. The title doesn't really make any sense. Root goes away for the day and Foaly and Holly play a trick on Artemis. Sorry if it's a bit OOC.


Hooray for one-shots! Sorry if Holly is a bit OOC but I needed someone to carry out Foaly's dastardly deeds! Actually now I think about it they are all OOC. Oh well, review anyway!

Disclaimer: I don't own Foaly, blah blah, I don't own Holly, blah blah, I don't own Artemis, damn! In short I own no characters, place names items or artefacts. Eoin Colfer owns them all.

**A Slow Day at the LEP**

Foaly sighed to himself as he lazy scanned through today's reports from Police Plaza. Nothing out of the ordinary, the usual gang of goblins, a careless sprite or two. Nothing to get excited about. Foaly zoomed his custom made chair over to the wall of screens, showing scenes of everyday life in Haven. Nope nothing there either. Foaly swung his chair round in circles for a while, wondering what he should do. He was glad for one-way mirror in the ops booth when he tried to do a chair wheelie. Centaurs are not built for style. Foaly sat himself back up again, slightly red-faced and ruffled. He was just straightening his tin-foil hat when Holly Short wandered in. Captain Short looked as bored as Foaly felt. Her blue (what colour are Holly's eyes?) eyes were dull, and she had the restless look of a fairy of action who had been cooped up for too long.

"How's it going, Foaly?" she asked, "Anything interesting going on? Anything you want me to do? Any disruptive Mudmen that need dealing with?"

Foaly shook his horsy head sadly. "Nope nothing. However, seeing as how you mentioned Mudmen…" a wicked gleam appeared in his eyes.

"Foaly," said Holly cautiously, "You know what Commander Root says about your practical jokes. Those Mudmen up in Scotland are mentally scarred for life now!"

"It was just a bit of fun." Foaly replied grudgingly, "Anyway Julius isn't here, is he? And Artemis Fowl-"

"Oh no, Foaly!" Holly warned, "Not Fowl, we swore that, wait a minute, what do you mean Commander Root isn't here? Where is he?"

Foaly's grin stretched wider. "He's been sent to the Atlantis Spa for rest and relaxation. The doctor found out that his blood pressure was sky high, no surprise there, so he's been packed off for a day of hot springs and mud. We can do what we want."

Holly's eyes widened and she began to think that maybe this wasn't so bad after all. A day without Root did mean they were free to do as they wished, and she had secretly wanted to check up on Artemis, but…

"And of course," interrupted Foaly, "You'll get to try out some prototype technology; I have a new style of wings I need someone to try out for me."

Holly decided there and then that a day out in the fresh air was just what she needed. Foaly obviously needed a professional to try out these new wings; you couldn't have some junior member of the LEP fumbling around with state of the art technology. No it needed some experienced and talented. And if Holly happened to frighten a few of her favourite Mudmen at the same time, well that was just an added bonus. Holly grinned to herself, as Foaly eagerly began to explain his latest plot to terrify Mudmen, and anger Root. Today was going to be more fun than she thought.

Chute Terminal E1, Tara Ireland

Holly gulped down the air, relishing the smell of the grass and the feeling of freedom and peace being above ground always gave her. The 'private' shuttle Foaly had promised her had been crammed with truant Recon officers who were all taking advantage of Commander Root's absence to grant them above ground leave. Some of the less important officers squirmed uncomfortably as they saw Root's top officer board the shuttle, fully kitted out with brand new equipment. They thought things like "She's obviously on a top-secret mission, what if she reports me?" and "I hope she's not going to Disneyland!" Holly sighed. The journey to the surface was hot and uncomfortable.

At long last they reached above ground. Holly forced her way through the chattering crowds to the exit. One wave of her LEP all-clearance badge gave her direct access to the outside, no waiting. Holiday-makers grumbled loudly as Holly pushed her way past them to the front of the queue, but Holly didn't mind. She was used to it by now. As Holly emerged on the surface she felt a rush of excitement, and nerves. On the one hand she was above ground for the whole day, and she would see Artemis again. Artemis; the name alone brought back memories she had been trying to forget. Holly shook her head to try and rid herself of these thoughts, something you should never attempt whilst zooming along in mid-air. Holly wobbled and for a second lost control. She was headed straight for a tree, but managed to veer off to the side at the last minute, and still managed to make it look elegant and effortless. Holly was impressed, these new wings were better than she had expected. She spent the next few minutes experimenting, zipping towards trees and then avoiding them at the last minute. It was only when she almost smashed headlong into a vast and imposing grey fortress of a building that she realised where she was.

Fowl Manor

Artemis Fowl II looked up from his book, curiously. He was sure he had heard, and felt, something whoosh just inches from his cheek. He peered around at the still garden. No sign of life, the only sound was the usual flora-and-fauna noise and Juliet's music blasting from her room. Artemis sighed and closed his book with a snap. Hoe could he possibly concentrate now? With one more curious glance over his shoulder, he stalked back into the house.

Holly held her breath and pressed herself as close to the wall as she could get, as Artemis passed right by her. For a moment Holly could fool herself into thinking that he had looked right into her eyes, but a second later he had walked away, only looking back once, but don't seeing her at all. Holly sighed. It had only been two years since Artemis, Butler and Juliet had been mind-wiped, but to Holly it felt like a lifetime. She didn't feel right being here, Artemis didn't remember who she was, and he didn't need to. The actual fact that she was at Fowl Manor was wrong, if she made even one mistake then all of Artemis' memories would be back, and it would all have been her fault! Holly didn't want the blame of another incident on her record; she wasn't exactly the most law-abiding officer as it was. Holly couldn't risk it, and anyway what was the point of this mission anyway? A voice in her ear answered for her.

"Holly?" It was Foaly. "Holly, are you there? Come in Holly."

"I'm here Foaly, but I'm not sure if I want to be." Holly took a deep breath. Concentrate, she thought, even if the worst does happen, we can always mind wipe them again right? Right? "All right, Foaly. What do I need to do?"

"Well," said Foaly, Holly could see him grinning mischievously. "It's not what we need to do, but what we can have the most fun doing. I was thinking of something along the lines of ghost coming back to haunt the family. Sound OK to you?"

Mentally Holly rolled her eyes. Foaly may be a genius but he did come up with some ridiculous ideas. "Foaly do you mean to tell me that I've come all the way to Fowl Manor just to scare a few Mudmen?" Foaly started to speak, but Holly carried on. "Anyway, don't you think Artemis is too intelligent to fall for something like this? He is a genius you know."

"Of course I know Artemis is a genius takes one to know one remember? At any rate he's been mind wiped so he will have no memory of us or anything related to magical or supernatural. In fact, some residual memory may give him even more reason to believe and ghosts and suchlike. Come on, Holly." Foaly pleaded, "It's just a bit of fun! If you are really that concerned about little Arty's welfare, then put him under the mesmer! You're already there so you might as well enjoy yourself!"

Holly powered up her wings. "All right Foaly, you win. Let's get this over with."

Artemis's Study. Fowl Manor

Artemis tutted to himself as he settled into his chair. How inconsiderate Juliet could be sometimes. She needed to remember that there were other people in the house besides herself. He could still hear her music, blasting down the corridor, but it was not quite as unbearable as it had been in the garden.

Artemis reopened his book. The cover read "The Supernaturalist by Eoin Colfer" but inside was something completely different. Artemis only bothered with a false cover to pleas his mother, who had been worried that her little Arty wasn't acting his age. She had tried, but failed miserably, to get Artemis to make some new friends, even to get a girlfriend. The only reason the girls he had been set up with didn't slap him, was that they were too terrified of Artemis, and Butler standing at Artemis's shoulder probably hadn't helped matters either. Finally Angeline had bought nearly a whole library of books that she was told Artemis should be reading. Artemis was impressed by the lengths his mother would go to, so he pretended to read them all. Angeline was very proud.

It was for the sake of his parents that Artemis had gone straight for two years. However Artemis had finally got fed up of being what he considered the "Perfect Son" and what other people would call "Hardly Bearable", and was back to his criminal ways. In secret of course, his parents still thought that he was a good law-abiding boy. Inside The Supernaturalist's cover was a detailed and fool-proof plan to bring down certain major companies from the inside. Artemis didn't benefit anything from this, but he found a particular fiendish pleasure in planning the downfall of companies that exploited the earth and polluted the environment. Artemis wasn't sure where this concern for nature had come from, but he kept it well hidden, he wasn't sure if evil geniuses were meant to be eco-friendly.

* * *

A/N Ok ok I know I said this was a one-shot but it's taking me a really long time to write, and as I'm going on holiday for a while, and then I have exams I thought I should post this part then do the rest later. 


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